A few years ago Hubby and I used to be quite the socialites. Most weekends and a few evenings a week we would have plans with friends.
Skip forward a few years and our social calendar is so empty that it makes a plain white sheet of A4 paper look exciting. What’s happened? Well, I’ll tell you.
In the last two or three years there has been a sudden fluctuation of friends’ pregnancies and births. It was inevitable. We all know the rhyme “First comes love, then comes marriage…” so what’s next? The baby! (And that’s without even mentioning all those who got pregnant before the marriage). The problem with this isn’t the fact that they are having children, it’s the fact that we’re not.
You already know that I have started avoiding people and places. But it has started to worry me massively that Hubby and I are simply becoming social recluses.
I used to jump at the chance to go out with friends – you name the place, I’d be there. But now, it takes a lot of decision making before I will commit to a social event. I will umm and aah over it for days, trying to predict what it will be like and who will be there; if I will enjoy it or if it will make me depressed. And most of all do I even want to go or am I just trying to trick my brain into thinking I’ve got a social life?
I have been through phases when I have managed to keep the calendar a little bit busier than normal. But it’s usually resulted in a mix of good and bad outcomes. Sometimes I’d come home crying and other times be really pleased that we went out. I can honestly say I do love my friends, but they are parents now! One of the big questions which arises more often than not is “Do I really want to go out with them if they bring their baby along?” (Everyone seems to do that these days, what happened to babysitters?) Alternatively, “Do I want to talk about your baby all night?” The answer to both questions is “No, I don’t!”
I feel like I can’t win. When I talk to people about our problems I don’t seem to get anywhere because, more often than not, they don’t understand or I’m worried that I’m talking about my problems too much. When I don’t tell them I find it very hard to hide my emotions and pretend we’re ok, usually whilst watching them hold their bundle of joy (Do I want a hold? No thanks!) Not to mention that without even realising it, so many people can be insensitive, but that’s another story.
Once again, it’s another confusing time that I never thought I’d be going through. I know that something needs to change. I’m going to lose good friends if this carries on, but I also want to build a little bubble around Hubby and see no-one… Well ok, until our baby arrives anyway. But by that time, there might not be anyone left to share our joy with!
How do you cope with the social scene? Have you become less sociable since TTC or having fertility problems?